Axes of Evil 10: The Goblin Accord

T"The Axes of Evil" will be published by Double Dragon in early 2010 and will be available as a paperback, an e-book, or through Amazon's kindle. Because of contractual obligations, I have had to remove the early draft from this Bulletin Board. Thanks for the comments everyone!
 
Fearless Leader said:
Without a word, I scurried through next, waited for Dar and Ren to crawl through, and then shut the panel tightly, hoping its hidden nature would remain concealed. I could hear the goblins scurrying off ahead, and valted after them, branches scratching at my face.

I think the bolded word was meant to be vaulted.
 
Woohoo!

I smell some golden skulls coming... LOL.

The werewolves here seem kind of out of place. When I the goblin yelled "fight" I fully expected a barbarian retaliation. Don't get me wrong curveballs can be good, but I'm not sure where this fits. They are never mentioned prior to this point, yet suddenly everybody knows what they are. Or did I miss some foreshadowing in the previous chapters?
 
Ezri said:
Woohoo!

I smell some golden skulls coming... LOL.

The werewolves here seem kind of out of place. When I the goblin yelled "fight" I fully expected a barbarian retaliation. Don't get me wrong curveballs can be good, but I'm not sure where this fits. They are never mentioned prior to this point, yet suddenly everybody knows what they are. Or did I miss some foreshadowing in the previous chapters?

The goblins know who they are; our characters are aware they exist (and I dropped a reference in the last book, actually, just for this occassion). More details in the next chapter (of course)
 
Maybe I'm just slow, but it took me a minute to realize that the Eanfrid and his cronies let the group go. Perhaps the barbarian could give Terin some kind of sign, a turn and nod as he's leaving, a small bow or a parting phrase. Something to seal the deal in a literary sense.

I think the werewolves need a little bit of an introduction. Maybe a goblin keeping watch looks nervously up at the full moon and gives a word of warning or a glance to Mog. Or instead of a sudden call to arms, the goblins hear a howl in the distance, the children are rushed into hiding places. The warriors stand stock still as they feel, but cannot see, the yellow eyes of the werewolves circling the camp. THen the werewolves spring out of the woods from every direction at once, and begin the fight scene.
 
Ren Suzume said:
Maybe I'm just slow, but it took me a minute to realize that the Eanfrid and his cronies let the group go. Perhaps the barbarian could give Terin some kind of sign, a turn and nod as he's leaving, a small bow or a parting phrase. Something to seal the deal in a literary sense.

Hmmm. Perhaps you're right. Let me look at it a bit more... I had him touch his Bishortu amulet, and I thought that helped but maybe it needs more.

Ren Suzume said:
I think the werewolves need a little bit of an introduction. Maybe a goblin keeping watch looks nervously up at the full moon and gives a word of warning or a glance to Mog. Or instead of a sudden call to arms, the goblins hear a howl in the distance, the children are rushed into hiding places. The warriors stand stock still as they feel, but cannot see, the yellow eyes of the werewolves circling the camp. THen the werewolves spring out of the woods from every direction at once, and begin the fight scene.

A howl might be better... and maybe it is kind of sudden; I thought a surprise would be better but based on the comments here perhaps not.

It's a new moon, as was stated in the last chapter and emphasized by Terin complaining all the time about it being so dark... he'll have until the full moon to get a cure or turn into a werewolf himself. :D

(No, I am not necessarily using the Alliance werewolf system any more than I am being completely true to the magic system. Sorry... story comes before rules!)
 
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