Recent rumors heard throughout the region...

Gandian Ravenscroft

Knight
Chicago Staff
Marshal
“Long Live Emperor Jonius the First! Long may he reign over Humanity and usher in a new era of Purity and Unity!”



“Sounds like Goblins are being uppity for the first time in a long while. What’s more, I heard some of them have got tentacles for some reason! What is this world coming to?”



“Solars Prisonstorm and Clawsome think the Planes that have been fluctuating lately have finally stabilized! I wonder what they could be?”



“Wayside is less safe for non-humans by the day. Not just because of that panther-thing, but because the King seems to be slowly weeding them out of his council. Have you counted the number of Humans on the Ducal Council recently?”



“I was not drunk! I saw a Flying Horse near Arbor! Hooves, swishy tail, four legs - WINGS! The rider smiled and waved at me. She seemed nice.”



“I’ll swear on a bucket of Purifies that Heart’s Wood in Northlunds is haunted! I’ve seen those white eyes and teeth in the night. Couldn’t get me to drive a wagon through there for a stack of platinum.”



“Waakiekka? Waakiekka!”



“Hey, did you hear about the Ducal Hair Collectible set?”
“Uh, no, and I don’t think I need to elaborate on why I think collecting noble’s hair is weird.”



“I haven’t seen those Valoran Sarr skulking around lately. Are they hiding or something?”



“That new girl skulking around the Flaming Skull hangs with the wrong crowd. I think I've seen her at some of the torchlight rallies. It’s not a good look for the Company.”



“I hear the Eternal Empire is a bunch of dirty slavers, and High Magistrate Stillroot is headed over there to give the Leaf Crown what for! I say it’s high time for them to have the law smacked down on ‘em, just like we did against The Nine!”
“Yeah, I ain't one of those Stoners, but if the elves want a fight, I say let ‘em have it!”



“Looks like the Sapphire Kingdom over in Anret still hasn’t figured out who to put in charge ever since their Queen got… uh… dead, by totally normal circumstances. I get the feeling that Queen and those Valoran were the only things really holding that government together, and now that they’re gone, the place is in shambles.”



“Ser Bovar absolutely CRUSHED those purple ogre freaks! Sure, that Farts-guy got away, but we sent the rest through the Circle and good riddance. King Grimlock just can’t lose!”



“I was on an errand for Solar Clawsome in the Aether, and I’m pretty sure I heard some kind of rambling singing echoing across space and time. It almost sounded familiar, but I just can’t place it.”



“I can’t believe we’re going to have a new Aegis Bearer soon! It’s about time Rorik got sober and did right by that Draco kid. I’m going to break out my Stone Vine ‘45.”



“Has anyone seen my cat? She liked to doze in the vegetable garden on sunny days, but she hadn’t been home in days. The neighbor kid said he saw the cat get eaten by the garden itself, but that little scamp’s got quite the imagination and is far from a reliable source.”



“I saw some weird pink and blue lights emanating from the town library the other night. I wonder what those were.”



“How many whales could a rifting whale rift if a rifting whale could rift whales?”
“Beats me, but if there’s a whale that can rift, we should catch it and study it to see what we can learn.”
“But how do you catch it if it can rift?”
“Hmm… we might need to see what we can learn from the corpse of a whale that can rift.”



“I could have sworn I heard my mirror talking the other night! My girlfriend says I’m crazy and it was probably just the wind or something, but I’m sure it was coming from the mirror! Anyone else heard anything from theirs?”



“One hot cup before bed and one in the morning before breakfast and it feels like a mountain has been lifted off my chest. That cupbearer knows her stuff. She said it was just tea, but I know magic when I taste it. I bet she’s one of those tree-speakers.”



“Scouts on the Ternian front have still yet to see Viktor Hook leave his tower since his physical body reformed, but the undead horde seems to be gaining a bit of its composure and coordination back for the first time since the Lichbits were destroyed. Seems Hook is finally getting the hang of being one person again.”



“I heard it from my aunt who works in the scullery, half the Ducal Council wants to go to war with one of those kingdoms across the sea. I’ve lost three daughters to Grimlock’s army - if he starts ANOTHER war, I’m pulling up stakes and taking the family to the Northlunds.”



“Alright, I’ve got it all figured out: So, the King was captive in the Sapphire Kingdom last year, right? And that ‘Good Doctor’ guy was from the Sapphire Kingdom, right? And the Good Doctor was working with Jonah Stone before, right? And the King and the Good Doctor are roughly the same height, right? So, when the Sapphire Kingdom had the King trapped, they switched him out for the Good Doctor in disguise when Wayside wasn’t looking, and the Valoran couldn’t tell that the switch was made because the Good Doctor was a master alchemist and masked his not-the-King scent with a super perfume! Now, the Good Doctor is masquerading as the King, and he’s still working for Jonah Stone, since I’m sure that the Good Doctor’s ‘cutting ties’ with Jonah Stone was just a publicity stunt and diversion to throw people off the scent, and he’s going to abdicate the throne and give it to Jonah Stone any day now! We’re doomed! WAKE UP, PEOPLE!”
“That’s, uh…. Definitely a theory. Trust me: If you have to start making that many connections between ideas, it’s probably just you being paranoid.”
 
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