Cow economics

Mike Ventrella

Mike Ventrella

Duke
You've probably seen versions of this before, but here goes:

21 Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A SCOTTISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
 
squeegee said:
I'm going to come out and say that this seems a little bias.....
Click to expand...

Yeah, lay off them Enron guys..... yeesh! :P
 
Just reading some of the descriptions reminders me of how certain forms of government are taught in America. I thought that the Communism one in particular was pretty terse. I will admit that I had a good laugh at it.
 
it can't be bias, its talking about cows? :D
 
No it would be.

Anarchy
you have 2 cows
your neighbor has 2 cows
you share your milk with the guy down the street and he shares the eggs from his chickens
you live in peace and happiness
 
until the guy with the guns shows up and he kills you both, takes your cows and chickens and lives happily in his heavily fortified new home.
 
Ahh I see that you have found the problem with Anarchy sir. The weakness of the human heart. The inherent corruption of the imperfect being. But ya thats the long and short, some guy with a butter knife takes over the world. lol.
 
I think some good revisions would be

Nazism
You have 2 cows
Someone else has 1000 cows
The government takes all someone elses cows
See fascism for your cows

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State tells you when, and how long to milk them,
and how much/who to sell it to.

(an addition)

FREE MARKET
You have two cows
 
LIBERTARIANISM

You have two cows.
You take care of them and sell the milk.
The government stays out of it completely.
People get sick from the tainted milk caused from the pollution run off on your land.
You lose business.
The government stays out of it completely.
Other people with cows buy up all your competetors and lower their prices which you cannot compete with.
The government stays out of it completely.
You go out of business.
But at least the government wasn't involved.
 
I was wondering how long a pro-anarchy post would take. Apparently not very long...
Here's another:

PACIFISM

You have two cows.
You politely ask them to give you milk.
When they don't, you starve but call it a hunger strike.
Everyone protests the cows.
 
VERMONTISM
You don't own any cows but you wonder why they outnumber the humans.
You blame Ben & Jerry for making people look like cows with their black and white spotted tshirts.
Then Ben & Jerry sellout to some huge dairy corporation and their scoop shops close their doors.
You cry because you REALLY liked phish phood but now if you buy it you're supporting the big corp instead of a locally owned dairy company.
 
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