HEY VON GRYPHON!

Gandian Ravenscroft

Gandian Ravenscroft

Knight
Chicago Staff
Marshal
LISTEN UP!

You know, I’m tired of dealing with stupid Gaden people thinkin’ that they’re the top of the food chain and thinkin’ that us goblins are just stupid pests. Jane tried telling us that us goblins and you folks could maybe possibly perhaps almost be friends, but it’s really somethin’ that the fancy nobles of Gaden would tell a guy tryin’ to be a noble “Hey, you can be a noble if you go out and kill all the goblins.” You know what that says about you? It says you guys are nothing but self-centered stupids, that’s what! You hear that, Victor Von Gryphon? You’re a self-centered stupid! You wanna kill all the goblins just so you can toss on a belt and say you’re better than everyone else! So, we’ve had it! We’re tired of it! We are not gonna let some red-belt adventurer try to stomp us out just to get in good graces with white-belts and keep killing off races that don’t deserve it!

You think I’m kiddin’? You think I don't see your little men scoping us out? Let me be clear: As king of the goblins, I declare war on Victor Von Gryphon, his mama, his daddy, his mama’s and daddy’s mamas and daddies, his brothers, his sisters, his kids, kid’s kids, his aunts, his uncles, his cousins, his second cousin twice removed, his best friend from when he was five, the guy who made his tea tent, the guy who made that slow silver hammer, the guy who makes his breakfast, the guy who makes his boots, and anybody else close to him I forgot to mention! Yeah, even THAT guy! I’m that serious.

You think you’re somethin’ special? You think you’re better than all us goblins? Prove it! We’re stronger and better than ever before! We found a thing in the mountains, it made us a new castle, I called all the best goblins in the Valley to come stay there, and I’d love to see you try to take us down in it! No, seriously, give it a shot.

It is ON! Be prepared to admit that us goblins are too much for you to handle and that it was wrong for you to ever take on the job of killin' us off!

- Linko, King of the Goblins
 
So Linko, oh master of all things gobliny.

What exactly transpired that Jane failed in his efforts to create friendship between goblins and the adventurers and citizens of Gaden? There was a period of peace where goblins did not attack us, but now all of a sudden you've gone on the offensive again without any provocation from the adventurers or citizens of Gaden. The squire's quest was given to him because in July, a contingent of YOUR underdark goblins began raiding Hope's Reach and they were driven off. This is why the nobles wish for your removal from the Valley of Solace, and if you think that we have caused this in some way, then perhaps we have little to fear about your combat strategies even though you've managed to rub your few brain cells together to get a castle constructed.

In case you don't understand what I'm saying i'll simplify it for you. We were at peace. You started attacking us. This is retaliation for your unprovoked attacks and actions of war and I wish I could be there to assist the Squire in his noble efforts at upholding honor.

Also, I'm willing to negotiate for the return of my axe. You know, the spider-themed one that has some splatterings of goblin blood on it from when you stole it from me.

With utmost sincerity,
Thorgrim Stoneaxe, of the Runebinder Clan, Supporter and Friend of Squire Victor von Gryphon and Hater of Pesky, Axe-stealing Goblins.

P.S. If you find a High Orc with burn marks on her arms and a great skill of explosive weaponry, she may be trying to destroy your great castle, I would apprehend her if at all possible and confiscate her devices and armaments. Just a suggestion from your friendly Hope's Reach Deputy Sheriff, because I guarantee, you don't want her to destroy that castle you've worked oh so hard on.
 
Linko self-proclaimed King of the goblins,

So be it. Your evil ways and necromatic filth will be purged from the land in a tide of goblin blood and entrails. We will destroy your goblin castle and crush your feeble threats under heel. I will see my "slow hammer" crushing your skull. You dare to threaten my kind, my family? Know that there is no place to run, no place to hide where I will not seek you out and destroy you. When your castle walls fail, know that I am hunting for you Linko.

Squire Victor von Gryphon
 
And for you information stupid goblin - the "Guy" who cooks Squire Von Gryphon's breakfast - isn't a GUY. I, Socora (the Biata fighter who is going so seriously slice up you Goblin idiots) cook for the Squire. Apparently all that necromancy and other evil deeds have affected you eye-sight, as well as your feeble brain cells.

Just remember you shouldn't start something that you can't finish. Your's won't be the first pathetic castle we have taken, doubt it will be the last.
 
Socora,

I'm pretty sure that the goblin doesn't really know exactly everyone on the list, who makes his breakfast, who makes his giant magic hammers, and all that, there's no need to quibble over who makes Griffon what.....

-Jehyu
 
Jane was an idiot that only got us into more trouble, dwarf. The trolls think it was us goblins that double-crossed them and got Nenrak killed, and it's all because Jane decided to work with that weird Stone Elf in the first place! First he screws up relations with the trolls, then he tells the adventurers that the goblins are surrendering and changing the way we live and have lived for generations, without even talkin' to the rest of us first? I wasn't havin' any of that.

Let's just say Jane isn't around anymore.

Gryph, I gotta say, you sound a bit vicious and rude for someone wantin' to be a fancy-belt! Maybe the Duke'll reconsider now that he knows you've got such a harsh temper. Anyway, we can settle this ordeal like fine, upstanding gentlemen and come to an agreement for the betterment of both our peoples, or we can settle it like good ol' fashioned politicians and leave a bloody trail all the way from here to Pratorak, and I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm totally game for the latter.

You know it's going to be one heck of a fun night for both of us when even your chef wants to kill me, Gryph!

- Linko, King of the Goblins
 
Von Gryphon,

You know that I'm not really from around here but I would be more than happy to offer my services as a skilled negotiator to help you with this goblin thing. As you may know I have mediated many disputes between many races, bandits, and necromancers. I think that with my particular set of skills I can bring this situation to an amicable solution.

Well let me know,

Ark
 
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