Lighten up, damn you

jpariury

jpariury

Paragon
An Elf, a High orc, and a Dwarf are sitting at a bar. Three flies come out of no where and plop themselves in each of their drinks. The Elf looks down into his glass of wine, and with much aplomb and a turn of his nose, pushes the drink back to the bartender, demanding a new one. The Highorc gazes into his mead for a moment, pulls out the fly and flicks it at the Elf, then quaffs the entire mug with a slurp and a burp, and turns to the Dwarf, who, at that moment, is shaking the fly over his mug screaming "SPIT IT OOT, DAMN YE! SPIT IT OOT!"
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Three farmers are sitting around the table at Evad's, commiserating their woes into their not-full-enough cups and at whomever turns an ear their way.
"Och. Ah think me daughter is keepin' time wif a gypsy," grumbles the first, "for ah found unda her bed a scarf wi' feavers innit."
"Oh, you tink dat so bad, eh?" asked the second "I fink me daughter be sleepin' wiv an dwarf, for unner her bed, I spied meself a hammer and a bottle o' spirits, I did."
"Das nuffin'," shouted the third. "Mysa duaghter, she been foolin' aroun' wid the Good Lord Baron Polare hisself, she has! When I looked under HER bed, I found Avaran!"
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A dark elf, a dragon mage, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The rabbi stops for a moment, look around a bit and says "I think I'm in the wrong joke."
 
jpariury said:
An Elf, a High orc, and a Dwarf are sitting at a bar. Three flies come out of no where and plop themselves in each of their drinks. The Elf looks down into his glass of wine, and with much aplomb and a turn of his nose, pushes the drink back to the bartender, demanding a new one. The Highorc gazes into his mead for a moment, pulls out the fly and flicks it at the Elf, then quaffs the entire mug with a slurp and a burp, and turns to the Dwarf, who, at that moment, is shaking the fly over his mug screaming "SPIT IT OOT, DAMN YE! SPIT IT OOT!"
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I found this joke was really funny! :lol:
 
Hey now!

I've never been caught under anyone's bed!

I am far more careful than that. *grumble*
 
Avaran said:
Hey now!

I've never been caught under anyone's bed!

I am far more careful than that. *grumble*
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Don't be so sure about that. I have damning pictures of Avaran and Marcena...
 
o.O

So the same trio in the bar, seemingly beset with flies, have ordered another round and are drinking happily when a particualrly pesky fly begins buzzing about the Orc's head. Despite repeated shooing, it persists. Finally he pulls his long sword and *CHOP* chops it in two then goes back to his drink smiling to himself.

A moment later another fly begins buzzing around the dark elf. Now, this being a particualrly bright day, the poor DE was in a fairly foul mood and immediately drew his two short swords and *SWISHCHOPSWISHSWISH* Chopped the fly into 8 pieces and went back to his wine after a sarcastic chortle.

Seemingly oblivious to the fates of flies assaulting patrons in this establishment, a THIRD fly begins buzzing around the dwarf. Holding his hand protectively over his beer, he draws his axe and *SWOOSH* swings at the fly which buzzes off into the distance. "You MISSED!" The Orc roars in laughter and the Dark Elf smiles wanly and chuckles.

"Nay, lad I dinna miss... Tha' fly will no' have children!"
 
Why do Dwarfs live in mines and in the mountains?
























DUH Ta Keep the beer cold!
 
One day, Masticon asked Gregor how he managed to entertain the ladies so often. Gregor replied "It is simple. I approach each one and ask them if they would like to join me in some evening entertainment." Masticon frowned, shook his head and asked "But, don't they slap you for being so forward?" "Indeed they do. In fact, I would venture to say that 95% of the women I ask slap me," Gregor replied with a wink and a smile, "but the 5% that don't... hoo boy."
 
Polare Lissenstine said:
Avaran said:
Hey now!

I've never been caught under anyone's bed!

I am far more careful than that. *grumble*
Click to expand...

Don't be so sure about that. I have damning pictures of Avaran and Marcena...
Click to expand...

That was not under a bed, thank-you very much.
 
Hey, she's family now ya know. Prepare to face the wrath of "bride price bargaining", gypsie style :wink: .
 
Long ago, the gypsy king was lying on his deathbed, having lived a life of freedom, adventure, and excitement. His familia, close and not-so-close, gathered around him, and every color of cloth could be seen from miles away. The neighboring gaje asked them to keep it down, so loud was their clothing. As he looked at the children around him, he spoke in a thin, reedy voice, "Please, call for the gaje king to send a wizard, so that he may race change me into a gaje human before I die."
A cry of great sorrow, and his sons in one great voice did cry "Papa, why would you, the wisest and eldest of us who have traveled the world over wish to die a mere gaje?"
The gypsy king strained to turn his head to his stricken kin. "Better one of them should die, than one of us."
 
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