Starting a Ruckus

Toddo

Toddo

Knight
NEPA Staff
Marshal
Star Wars Movies ranked in order of awesomeness:

1: The Empire Strikes Back
2: Return of the Jedi
3: The Phantom Menace
4: A New Hope
5: Revenge of the Sith
6: Attack of the Clones

Please note that you must acknowledge all six films in discussing this. This isn't Highlander where different directors and writers changed every movie, these six films are Lucas' vision. Cry, move on and deal with it. Frankly I don't think my top two will cause much conflict, but I'm wondering if anyone else has got the cajones to look past Jar jar and admit that The Phantom Menace was an awesome remake of Jedi. (watch them both in a row. Speeder bike fight? check! Inane child-geared aliens instrumental in victory? Got it! Ground, Space and Sword fight cut together expertly to heighten tension with great music playing? OMFG! Father figure dies... Well, don't be a paternal influence in a George Lucas film is all that can really be said if you like living.)

Bonus round:
Phasors never miss- Advantage Kirk, despite the fact that Solo might shoot first (which wouldn't even be an argument were it not for the remake)
Fisticuffs- Advantage Kirk, Solo would be punched in the grill and then James would make off with and later discard Slave Leia because there's something in the air recycling system on every federation ship that makes you forget everything that happened to you that's more than 5 days old. Unless it happened on the Holodeck.
Ship vs Ship- Advantage Solo, The Enterprise would blow the Falcon into an explosion of 70s special effects in a stand up fight, but the Falcon would be gone or stuck to the Enterprise's hull in less than 12 parsecs.

Flame away.
-toddo
 
1: The Empire Strikes Back
2: A New Hope
3: Return of the Jedi (docked points because of Ewoks)


4: The Phantom Menace
5: Revenge of the Sith
6: Attack of the Clones

I have only watched each of the "prequels" once, kept thinking "Oh the next one will be better", was unimpressed with each, and as such can't really differentiate them too much. They all blend into one computer-generated blah to me.
 
Toddo, you made me cry today. I thought more of you.

1 - Empire <- hands down can't be beat
2 - Hope <- the true definitive Star Wars. People die. Lots of people. A grusome reality of lightsabers and blasters.
3 - Jedi <- More mainstream but still dark. Love it but it contains many personal complaints. Like, who let Carrie Fisher try expression? What is the value of Storm Trooper armor if it can be beat by midgets using rocks and sticks? Why did Lucas feel that Sy Snootles needed the Honey Comb creature as a backup singer?
4 - Clones <- Only one of the new ones I go back to. Or leave on if its on HBO. Also, wanna give a big shout out to the CG kitty. Thank you for letting us all enjoy the hard work Natalie Portman put in on the ab toner.
5 - Sith <- Ok, at least there is some cool combat. But all my love for Ms Portman is lost becasue of the balcony scene. "So, you think that love is blind?" Apparently.
6 - Menace <- The only good thing about this movie is its title. It feels to me like Lucas didn't wanna kill any more Storm Troopers so he hired GI Joe's BATS.I could go on and on about this one but it just boils down to one question, who brings kicks to a lightsaber fight?

As for your bonus round
Both Kirk and Solo lose. Lightsaber for the win.
I do have to agree Kirk wins the hand to hand. Nothing can stop that axe handle.
Lets be a little more realistic about our fantasy comparisons. Like instead of the Falcon take Home 1 vs the Enterprise. There is no way the 1701 can withstand firepower of that magnitude.

--Chazz
 
1. Empire - "Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader is his father--uh, Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings..."
2. A New Hope - It's a classic movie that introduces everyone to an amazing world in a fantasy setting that would inspire millions of people to live nerdy lives.
3. Sith - Finally getting to watch the fight between Anakin & Obi was the best part of the prequel for me. This was one of the darkest Star Wars movies. I didn't like everything, but I could rewatch this movie and enjoy it every time.
4. Jedi - ..."All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets." The remake was even worse when they added CGI singing things (ugh!), and took out the ewok song at the end (which was the only part of anything ewok related that I liked).
5. Clone Wars - The story was a little better than Phantom Menace. Lack of Jar-Jar, decent lightsaber battle at the end, and watching the clones be made were the only reasons I rank it above...
6. Phantom - Ugh. The only part of this movie that I really loved was the lightsaber battle at the end with Darth Maul.
 
Though I don't feel qualified to give all six films ratings, I think you guys are giving The Phantom Menace a bad rap. I mean, come on, it had Liam Neeson as a jedi knight! The father-figure jedi knight who gets killed at the end! That being said, the kid who played Anakin burned my eyes. But not as much as Hayden Christianson, or how ever you spell his name. ("I hate sand.... It's coarse, and rought, and gets everywhere... Not like you." OUCH!)

Bonus round:
I was going to ask why Spock was not included in this, but then it dawned on me. It wouldn't even be a competition. To be fair, I've added an old friend:
Obi Wan vs. Spock:
Fisticuffs - Spock. He's got karate-chop action, as well as the vulcan nerve pinch.
Philosophy Debate - Obi Wan. Though Spock might have superior computational skills, Obi Wan's fatherly wisdom reigns supreme.
Getting injured for the sake of plot - Spock. Obi Wan only died once. Spock was blinded, killed, irradiated, stabbed, shot, poisoned, and had his brain removed. Beat that.
 
Well honestly, Amelia, I wanted to like Phantom A LOT. Just like everyone else. I think it's so greatly hated by many of us for how much of a let down it was after all that crazy hype leading up to it. I will admit that I probably shouldn't have showed up at 11AMish to be the first to be in line for the midnight showing (remember that, Robb & Dave? LOL!). I digress. I still remember watching it for the first time and literally cringing in my seat at the scene with Queen Amidala sitting around with her peepz talking about the Trade Federation. I'm very good at getting into a movie and ignoring the little annoying things, but the acting was that bad. Ugh.

Liam Neeson is freaking awesome, though. Did you see Taken? Wow! He shoots so many people in the face! What a bad ***.
 
The three prequels would have been better if three things had happened:

1) Someone other than Hayden Christianson as Anakin (the little kid in Phantom Menace too)
2) Someone other than Natalie Portman as Padme.
3) Someone other than George Lucas as director

I'd be lenient and let Jar-jar stay if we could go back in time and change those three things.

That being said, I do generally like the three prequels because I get to see what the story is.

My ranking:
1) Empire
2) New Hope
3) Jedi
4) Clones
5) Sith
6) Menace

Toddo said:
...but the Falcon would be gone or stuck to the Enterprise's hull in less than 12 parsecs.
Click to expand...
A parsec is a unit of distance not time. The Millenium Falcon making the Kessel Run in "under 12 parsecs" means that Solo was able to take the shortest route possible while avoiding any "Imperial entanglements" .
 
I hated the whole concept of the prequels. We already know how it ends -- he becomes Darth Vader. There is no suspense anywhere. And anyone coming along now should never watch them in order, because then the "Luke, I am your father" bit is not a surprise any more. So what's the point?

It should have been a completely different story set in the same universe with maybe a little cross over for the fun of it.
 
Today has hurt me deeply. Not one, but two people who I semi-care about their opinions in nerd-dom have let me down. Next I fully expect Mike and Toddo to tell me they are French Ultra-Nationalists. You two need to come back to reality my friends. To help I offer this conundrum:

You have one bomb
The Gungans are real
Do you drop it on the French or in the Gungan city?
WHAT DO YOU DO?!?! WHAT DO YOU DO?!?

Liam Neeson is in fact cool. I'd chill with him. Even offer to be his wingman. But as a teacher and Jedi Master he is epic FAIL. He coulda just let that boy alone. Then nada woulda happened. He coulda realized that he is NOT in fact wiser than the ENTIRE jedi council. He coulda finished training Obi-Wan. He coulda just cut Mauls damn leg off for flailing it around like that in front of lightsabers. Or he coulda done the one thing that any self-respecting jedi would have done... he could have died when he got speared in the chest. But noooo, it was all last breath time and what have you. "These are my last words Obi-wan, train the boy and do a damn good job of screwing it up while you are at it."

Nope, Liam should have just stuck with training Batman in the art of flower picking.

And not to be picking on you Amelia but you really think Spock has a chance against Obi? I mean you know Spock kinda needs a hand to do the pinch thing and Obi IS the arm-hackingnest arm-hacker who ever arm-hacked?

--Chazz
 
My view on the prequels is that if they were NOT star wars movies they would have been viewed as amazing sci-fi fantasy flicks. The fact that they had to stand up to our rose-colored childhoods as part of a series we grew up with shot them in the foot. They could have been amazing and we would've whined.

Mike- I agree on the computer generated stuff, but sadly we aren't going back to rubber monsters. I love guys in suits, they add so much to the actual personality of the beasties and just look realer, but their time is past unless you watch Indies (btw, watch Dance of the Dead, OMG if you like zombies, 70s kung-fu movies, characters that are recognizable stereotypes and played for comic relief and don't feel every movie has to be intellectually stimulating you will love this movie). The new Star Trek actually disappointed me in that EVERYTHING was CG and Trek had been faithful to models until now.
 
Chazz said:
You have one bomb
The Gungans are real
Do you drop it on the French or in the Gungan city?
WHAT DO YOU DO?!?! WHAT DO YOU DO?!?

--Chazz
Click to expand...

Why are we dropping bombs on peaceful (albeit annoying) societies? Id pick the French. Honestly Chazz, the Gungans have Submarine technology we can't even touch! We could glass their cities and still be eating nukes in 6 months. Plus the Gungans are easily manipulated, I'd give them a seat on the UN security council, it'd be good to have another Great Britain backing our every vote.
 
I just don't know you anymore Toddo. The Toddo I knew would have said, "Could we invite the Gungans to France for 'peace' talks?" But no, you want their subs. For the last time, there is no Sealab. And the best subs are not made by Gungans, they are made at Quizno's.

--Chazz
 
I had considered that, but the entire Gungan race being asked to attend would have been a bit suspicious. I will concede your point on subs, but also keep in mind that these effers also have SLING BULLETS that can take out tanks. I hate the Gungans, but idiotic nations with powerful weapons are... disquieting. Why do you still think there's still a North Korea. The next idiot to throw a nuke in anger, even at a Gungan, is going to cause a global population decline.
 
Honestly, the prequels are what happen when you give a great idea man (Lucas) an unlimited budget and No Editorial or Direction Support.

The first three movies were great because they were trying to find ways to make things awesome on a shoestring budget, and Lucas' career had not hit the point where he could dictate dialogue, direction, and casting over the objections of everyone else involved. The prequels simply suffered from a lack of anyone with the ability to tell Lucas 'no, you've screwed up your own timeline six ways from sunday and that interminable podrace doesn't work on film as well as you thought it would, let's try something else'.
 
I liked the podrace...
 
1) Return Of The Jedi - I've always been a huge Luke fan, and seeing him kick Vader's butt is my favorite moment in Star Wars. Also, I'm a fan of Green lightsabers, and Luke has one in this one. So this film automatically gets the number one for me.
2) The Empire Strikes Back - Very close to being number one, but is beat out due to Luke.
3) A New Hope - The original, and real, "Star Wars".
4) Revenge Of The Sith - For the last half hour
5) Phantom Menace - For Liam Neeson
6) Attack Of The Clones - Between rough sand and Jango Fett (not a fan, Boba's so much better) I really didn't like this one.

Bonus Round:
Weapon: I agree, Phasors are much more superior to Blasters, because they're one shot kills. Advantage: Kirk

Hand-To-Hand: There isn't much here to judge Han on, and Kirk has proven to be a really good hand-to-hand fighter. Advantage: Kirk

Space Ships: This is a really close one, but I think with the more extensive crew of the Enterprise, they get the edge. The problem with the Falcon, everything's run by only two people (Wookiee's are people too!) so they could have too much to do at one time. With the Enterprise, there is a huge crew and can control things better. Advantage: Close, but Kirk gets the edge.
 
Chazz said:
Liam Neeson is in fact cool. I'd chill with him. Even offer to be his wingman. But as a teacher and Jedi Master he is epic FAIL. He coulda just let that boy alone. Then nada woulda happened. He coulda realized that he is NOT in fact wiser than the ENTIRE jedi council. He coulda finished training Obi-Wan. He coulda just cut Mauls damn leg off for flailing it around like that in front of lightsabers. Or he coulda done the one thing that any self-respecting jedi would have done... he could have died when he got speared in the chest. But noooo, it was all last breath time and what have you. "These are my last words Obi-wan, train the boy and do a damn good job of screwing it up while you are at it."

Nope, Liam should have just stuck with training Batman in the art of flower picking.

And not to be picking on you Amelia but you really think Spock has a chance against Obi? I mean you know Spock kinda needs a hand to do the pinch thing and Obi IS the arm-hackingnest arm-hacker who ever arm-hacked?
Click to expand...

Qui Gon was so awesome because he flipped off the jedi council, not in spite of it! He basically told Yoda to go climb a tree. Anyone with the balls to do that wins points in my book.
And there's no such thing as "just dying." There is ALWAYS a dying breath. I mean, even Obi Wan got a chance to be all "If you strike me down..." up in Vader's grill. It isn't called a space opera for nothin'.
As for Spock v. Obi Wan, I was talking w/o weapons. If we were going light saber vs. kali fi weapon, it wouldn't even be a competition.
 
Toddo said:
The new Star Trek actually disappointed me in that EVERYTHING was CG and Trek had been faithful to models until now.
Click to expand...

I agree with that as well. CGI is great for ships and other nonliving things, but when Kirk goes running from the beasts on that ice planet, he just looked like he was stuck in a computer game. The only time CGI worked well was in the LOTR films for Gollem (who was really motion capture and as such seemed to have weight and proper movement) and in some of the battle scenes with the CGI horses.
 
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