A hobling bard approaches.

[Manflesh]

Greetings fair folk. I'm here to spread one of my most popular pieces currently being passed around Wayside. I hope you enjoy it at least half as much as I did writing it.

Ahem.

Hide your wife! Hide your kids! Or at least cover their ears!
As I tell you the tale of Ashnar Runebeard.

A fair warning, for there are many weapons he can tout.
His mace, his spells, but especially his mouth.

It’s true, he’ll verbally butcher you before the real fight starts.
Then comes the crunching, the squashing, and the eating of hearts.

He’s not for the pure of spirit, he does things one cannot condone.
Such as rude slurs, wanton violence, and sex with gravestones.

Friend or foe, ally or enemy, for Ashnar it’s all the same.
He’ll fight you and win. You’re all his fair game.

He hugs with violence, pain is his only advice.
And if you’re very unlucky, he’ll heal you and drop you twice.

But fear not the meek, your cries are not what he seeks.
Yes, Ashnar stands with the right, and let’s only evil fear his might.

So goodnight wives, goodnight kids, may this tale warm your soul.
As Ashnar is outside, rising the evil death toll.

 

[Steve]

This is, far and beyond, the greatest song in the world.

You are now, and forever, in my good graces.

And so Sam wrote a song,
To make the whole word swoon.
And with his clever wit,
Did earn himself a boon.

And from that day forth,
He knew inside his heart,
If he needed somethin' dead,
Ashnar'd tear its *** apart.

You have but to ask, Sam. Remember that.

Runebeard