HELP! Advice needed.

T

Tyson_Chandler

Newbie
I'm pretty new to LARP. It was something that I always wanted to participate in but never could find anyone else to join in with me. In fact, most of my friends laughed at me and told me the whole thing was a joke. Also, the expense of equipment and dress caused some delay while I put aside the funds necessary to begin like I wanted to. Long story short...once I became involved in LARP, a new world opened up to me. For most of my life, I've enjoyed playing sports like basketball, baseball, football, etc. While playing football, I even took ballet lessons to help with being light on my feet. But after my first LARP battle, I realzied I could never enjoy sports the same way. I was hooked. It was also somewhat ironic that it took me getting into character to find out who I really was.

My problem is that not many of my friends know that I particpate in LARP. Their opinion is that it's stupid and a waste of time. The first and only thing they think of when they hear LARP is Augie from the movie Role Models. I used to think that movie was funny but now I realize the damage its done to LARP. Anyway, I'm scared to even mention it most of the time and if I am going to a LARP event instead of doing something with them, I always say I have to work or do something else.

The thing is that all of them totally love the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and Game of Thrones. They also play RPG video games all the time. So I know if they would every actually play LARP and let their guard down, they would really see what it's all about. But I just can't get the point where I want to bring it up in front of them. The other thing is, they will spend hours playing basketball. Other than the actual sport, how is that any better than me spending my time with LARP? I hate not being open with them and I'm ashamed that I can't just be straight with them.

I guess my question is what/how/if you guys deal with people (especially friends) that don't appreciate or respect what I choose to do and find enjoyable??? Have any of you been able to "convert" any friends that initally looked down on LARP?
 
Generally I just shrug and go about my business. As you've seen, getting into this hobby takes a bit of investment, and trying to drag someone in who's not interested enough to want to make at least a minimal outlay is just going to frustrate both of you.


That said, if you've got someone who is at least a little interested, see if they want to come NPC an event with you. They get to see what it's all about, without having to put out the kind of money that decent kit requires, and if you let your plot team know that this is someone who's on the fence I'm sure they'll have a fun role or two to give them a hook.
 
When I started Larping years ago I got weird looks and jokes about it from friends and acquaintances, but i was used to that regarding most of the things i liked... over the years i would attend parties or whatever and talk about all the adventures my characters were having and people started looking forward to hearing about it. They eventually started asking rules questions and trying to find out more to see if they might enjoy it themselves. Now a days i tell everyone I LARP and i have a ton of friends and acquaintances who play Alliance and other games regularly because of my stories.

Life Lesson: Stop caring what other people think. Be yourself, be happy, and people will envy you.
 
It is really about being you, imo.

I played hockey until last year when my latest injuries had me second guess continuing at the age of 41 (bruised throat to the point of not being able to talk, chipped bone in elbow). Still love the sport though.

My son plays now (12), his friends are currently jealous that his dad does something cool. So maybe I will be adding new players though him.

My supervisor at work asked me why I keep taking long weekends & when I told her that I am part of the plot team for Alliance Oregon and went over what we did in the last weekend event, she was intrigued. Did I convert her, no. She may think I am a bit crazy (she thought the same about me playing hockey), but she knows that I do my work well & after an event I come to work with a refreshed mind.

As Wraith pointed out, NPCing new people tends to help people make their mind up about joining without the initial cash investment.
 
The first weekend I played I was on the fence about it and told people I was going camping (which I was technically). After seeing how fun this game was, I instantly stopped caring what others thought. The best advice I can give is to play it off like its no big deal, because its really not. Not any more so than going away on a hunting trip or to an away game for whichever sport you might play. Don't try too hard to get your friends into it. The harder you push the harder they will push back. Just bring it up every now and again and let them know when you are going and that they're welcome to join you. If you are embarrassed by it, imagine how they'll feel, so just act nonchalant about it and they may ease into lowering their guard.
 
I tried to hide it from my work... until it turned out that one of the plant managers lives next to one of the parks we run faire days at and saw me.

He thought it was weird but asked me about it. I just shrugged... "It's make believe for adults. We don't drink or do drugs, just good clean fun. At least we're getting exercise and not sitting around guzzling mountain dew and cramming our mouths with cheetos."

That was pretty much the end of any teasing that he was gonna throw my way.
 
I like cheetos :(
 
Tyson_Chandler said:
I guess my question is what/how/if you guys deal with people (especially friends) that don't appreciate or respect what I choose to do and find enjoyable??? Have any of you been able to "convert" any friends that initally looked down on LARP?
Click to expand...
There's probably a lot of ways you could go about dealing with your friends. I think everybody has some habit or hobby that their friends have mixed feelings about, from not being into it to outright disliking it. Drinking, smoking, verbal abuse, language choice, etc. I'm going to assume that the answer of "find different friends" isn't the choice you want to make. To some extent, I believe people need to accept their "inner nerd", as it were. It's not about whether or not other people accept your activities, it's whether or not you accept that they think what you're doing is kinda funny/odd/weird, and are okay with that.

For the friends that think its dorky, I have a general rule - offer it up maybe once a year as an activity they could join you on, if I think it's something they could quickly get comfortable doing. Now, for starters, it takes knowing the person. If they're the kind that don't even think dressing up on Halloween is fun and avoid renn faires like the plague, LARPing really won't be their cup of tea, so you probably shouldn't bug them about it. Let me know what you did, and how much fun you had, sure. But harping on someone who's resistant to the idea isn't going to make your situation any better. I'm not out to "convert" people, or change the world, or anything like that. I'm out here to have fun, and if I think someone might enjoy it, I extend the offer. If they look at me like I offered to molest their dog, clearly pushing them on it won't make the situation any better. I was their friend before LARPing, and enjoyed doing things with them that weren't it, and so I can still enjoy those things now. If our interests diverge, well, that's just kinda the way the world works.

A lot of people "LARP". In the end, it's taking a break to do some "let's pretend". When people play video games, especially FPS-style games, they're usually taking on the role of being someone they aren't, doing something they don't get to do on a regular basis, with little to no real-world consequences. When they're playing basketball and they pull off a cunning drive and swish, they have a moment of "Hellz yeah, Kobe at the net!". It's typically in small moments, and they don't take themselves too seriously when they do it.

Sometimes, they LARP and they don't even know they're doing it. In the Pacific Northwest Airsoft community, most organized events are run as mission scenarios. For example, one year I helped out with a Waco-style scenario in which the participating teams took turns infiltrating and raiding a religious community packing a lot of heat. They scored points based on successful completion of mission objectives, and were docked points for violating specific protocols, like killing an unarmed zealot. In nearly every way, this is a LARP. You're not really a cop, you're not really killing people, and the "actors" are in every way identical to NPCs. The one difference is that, in theory, you're not being "Captain Morgan Freeman", you're you, you just maybe follow some standards within your team that organize you guys like any other paramilitary or military unit. Yet, even in the Airsoft community, there's a big resistance to the idea that they're LARPing. Sometimes there's no helping people. But you'd likely be more able to attract new players there than, say, on the gridiron.

So, I dunno if any of that helped. There are probably more people with better ideas about it than mine. In the end, be yourself, have fun, and don't hurt anyone doing it.
 
How I tend to talk to non-LARPers about LARPing:

"Did you watch the Lord of the Rings movies? Did you ever imagine being Aragorn or Eowyn, running around with the weight of the world on your shoulders, laughing and fighting with abandon, living or dying based on your wit and skill? Yeah... I do that two weekends per month, with my best friends, getting exercise and fresh air, and leaving the weekend feeling like I had accomplished something. There's a world out there I can affect and change, and I get to dress in amazing costuming while I do so. Want to give it a try?"

LARP is part sport, part survivalist, part theatre, part costuming. There's a niche for so many different sorts of people to enjoy.

Ultimately, you are engaging in something you really love, that moves you. Eff those who don't get it; they're the ones missing out on the awesome.
 
As tends to be usual, I have a different outlook. I am a closet larper. That's right, I prefer to keep my hobbies private. I have a somewhat high-level professional job at a very conservative company, they don't need to know what I do for fun.

Back in the day I used to talk about it all the time, I'd come back after events with bronchitis and sinus infections and tell tales of my character's achievements and the bad guy's intentions. I was often mocked by my co-workers, and my managers deemed me irresponsible for doing something that inevitably made me sick and unable to perform my job to my best ability. As time went on, and I got better and better jobs, I talked less and less about my personal life. I keep work separate, as many of us do.

I also tell my conservative, Catholic family I go camping. After an incident involving "cult-intervention" when I attempted to explain what I do for fun, I decided it wasn't worth it to be truthful.

With my friends that don't LARP, most know that I do. I don't talk about it as much more than short and occasional anecdotes (usually about players, not characters), unless asked. I just don't talk to my friends who aren't interested about LARPing, we talk about other commonalities. I get occasionally teased about it, but I usually retort with a dig on one of their "lame" hobbies.

I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I just don't share with people who don't care. I talk about LARP with my LARP friends, I talk about skating with my skating friends, running with my running friends... etc... if they ask, I tell, but I don't think you have to involve them in it if they aren't interested.

I confess, I didn't read everyone's reply - so I apologize if this is a repeat. :)
 
I don't shrink away from it (especially since my participation in LARPing is all over the internet -- kind of hard for me to deny my involvement) but at the same time you may note that I have carefully avoided placing any pictures of myself in costume anywhere on line. I don't need the DA's office blowing up the picture and laughing at it in their office.

Actually, something like that happened once, with a picture of me in costume at the Renaissance Faire. They tried to tease me about it and I laughed it off and pointed out that my efforts made money for me, and for a job, it was a fun one. By letting them know their comments didn't bug me, it diffused the situation

This was something I learned in high school when I finally stopped letting the buillies tease me. "I don't like any of the things they like, and I don't share their opinions about anything, so why should I care about their opinions about me?" I've done nothing to be ashamed of. (OK, nothing major, anyway -- everyone has something they're embarrassed by, but LARPing isn't one of them).

At the same time, why court controversy? I don't deny it but I don't flaunt it either.
 
Yup, I'm in the "Don't flaunt it" group. I tell my coworkers I go camping weekends... which isn't a lie. They ask where I tell them the area and that I'm going with a large group of friends. The only reason they ask is because my car comes back from a larping weekend looking like I deliberately drove it through the mud. Dirt roads to the campground and all...
I have told coworkers in the past, those I thought would be interested, though none of them ever joined me, they didn't try to poke fun at it though.

My friends know I larp, and some of them are interested, other aren't. The girls basically plan stuff to do with my wife while I'm away playing with my "dorky friends".

One easy way to find out if they would be interested is with a renn faire. If there's a renn faire in the area where you live you could ask "Hey guys, have you heard of this renn faire? I heard about it (on the radio / on the internet / from friends). You guys interested in checking it out?"
The answer to that question will tell you instantly if someone would be remotely interested in larping or not.
Mind you, that question is great for eliminating people from the list, it doesn't mean that people who are interested in going to the renn faire are interested in larping. It just means that if they're not interested in renn faires, they probably won't want to larp.

As for what to do with people who don't appreciate or respect larping, just don't bring it up while they're around. And if they choose to rub it in your face all the time... maybe they shouldn't be your friends. As for converting, good luck... I've been trying to get my wife to play or at least come to an even for the past 2 years.
 
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