Quasimodo died

A

Anonymous

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Quasimodo dies and the church elders are immediately in need of someone else to ring the bells at Notre Dame Cathedral. So they decide to run an ad. There are hundred of applicants and they start interviews right away.

They get to the 5th man and notice that he has no arms. They don't want to offend him, but don't want to hire him either. So, they tell him they would need to hear him ring the bells.

The elders begin climbing into the bellfrey and are followed by the applicant who passes them when they stop at the base. He climbs all the way to the top.
They
arrive there shortly after him and see him back to the edge of the bellfrey and take a fast run straight at the largest bell. He launches himself from 15 feet away and smashes his face right into the bell. A beautiful tone rings out. While the elders are oohing and ahing, he backs up and takes a run at the smallest bell, lauches himself from 15 feet away and smashes his face into the bell. Again, a beautiful tone rings out and the oohing and ahing begins anew.

He backs up and takes a third run at the bells, lauches himself from his customary 15 feet and glances off of a third bell and plummets over the side of the cathedral and lands on his back on the ground below, killing him instantly.

A large crowd begins to gather as the elders rush down to the street below.

They are confronted by one of the people who says, "do who this man is?".

The elders stop and confer and the Bishop says slowly "We never got his name, but.......





>...............wait for it.............................













his face sure does ring a bell".
 
YAY! A stupid joke thread! My turn!


Why do chicken coops have two doors?








...








...because if they had four doors, they would be chicken Sedans.
 
Let's see, stupid joke, stupid joke...

Here's one from my high school chem teacher, Mr. Russenko, or Ru-ru as we called him.

What's grey and comes in quarts?







...







An elephant.




Can't forget the atom joke. Two atoms bump into each other in the sidewalk. Atom 1 says "Oh, no! I think you knocked off one of my electrons." Atom 2 says he will help him look for it. They find nothing, and atom 2 says "Look, I know those things are REALLY small, but we've been looking for a long time now. Are you sure you lost it?" Atom 1 says "Yes, I'm positive!"
 
BUT WAIT....theres MORE

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
 
A bear walks into a bar in Billings Montana and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in bars in Billings, Montana," so the bear stands up and leaves.


The next day the same bear walks into the same bar, sits at the same bar stool, the same bar tender comes over and asks what the bear wants. Bear says "I want a beer." The bartender says "Listen, we don't serve beers to bears in bars in Billings, Montana," so the bear gets mad and leaves again.


The next day the same bear walks into the same bar, sits at the same bar stool, the same bar tender comes over and asks what the bear wants. Bear says "I want a beer." The bartender says "Listen, we don't serve beers to bears in bars in Billings, Montana," so the bear gets mad, goes to the end of the bar, picks a girl up who is sitting there and eats her.


The bear goes back to the bar tender and says "Now you know I'm serious, give me a beer." The bartender says "We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Billings, Montana and furthermore we don't serve drug addicts." The bear gets confused and says "Drug addict, what do you mean?" The bartender replies "That was a bar-bitch-you-ate""
 
I think I know the dumbest one of them all. A man walks into a bar and says "oww"

or

A horse walks into the bar and the bartender says "Hey why the long face?"
 
No, those are dumb, but I am renowned for being the Keeper of the Worst Joke Ever Told. It, however, takes a good ten minutes at least to tell and I just can't type that much. However, I will be willing to tell it to anyone who wants to sit through it ONCE at the october event before game is called. Anyone interested, find me.


Jeff
 
Solomon Maxondaerth said:
No, those are dumb, but I am renowned for being the Keeper of the Worst Joke Ever Told. It, however, takes a good ten minutes at least to tell and I just can't type that much. However, I will be willing to tell it to anyone who wants to sit through it ONCE at the october event before game is called. Anyone interested, find me.


Jeff
Click to expand...


What about those of us who can't make it to the October event? :(

--Adam/Avaran
 
So the church is still in need of someone to ring the church bells and they put out the call once again. A young man shows up and claims that it was his brother's dream to be a bell ringer even though he had no arms. He felt that it was his duty to fill in after his brother's death.
They took him up to the tower and he really wasn't sure what to do. He started pulling bell strings as best he could but he ended up getting his foot tied up in one of the strings and he was thrown off the church tower by the ascending chord. Quickly the members of the church came down to see his crushed body. Again people asked if anyone had known his name. The preists were so busy listening to his story they had forgotten to ask his name. So apoligetically one of the priests looked up and said


------->

"I'm not sure, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
 
Avaran said:
What about those of us who can't make it to the October event? :(

--Adam/Avaran
Click to expand...


Count yourself fortunate :D


or ask me again later, but ask around first, you might be the lucky one.

Jeff
 
Stop me if you've heard this...

Ok, so Jesus walks into a hotel carying some large nails. He gives them to the receptionist and says "Hey, could you put me up for a night?"

A cookie to whoever knows what movie that's from.


By the way, I thought the cheasiest joke in existance was my farmer joke:

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?







...







"Where's my tractor?"


Get it?
 
this goes very well with the pain and suffering thread we already have....
 
that terrible joke is from The Crow.
And too add...
one of my cooks at work came back into the kitchen right before he left..started talking and what not, and was decently intoxicated.
He looks over at me and says "You know the difference between an a**hole and a hole in the ground?"
He puts his arm around me and says "You can't put your arm around a hole in the ground"
 
what did one talking sausage say to the other?









-------------------------------)

















"oh my gosh! a talking sausage!!!
 
Two penguins are floating by on an ice flow. The first one turns to the second and says "Hey, you know it looks like you're wearing a tuxedo!" And the second one says "What makes you think I'm not?"


How many ____ does it take to activate an alchemical light?

Hoblings: don't bother, easier to pick your pocket
MWE: Well, one but....hey! Careful! That's not a glow stick!
Biata: One to make you think there's a light.
Barbarian: ten. One to light it and the other nine to look at it and go "Oooooh!"
High ogre/orc: see barbarian, only double.
Human: who cares? they're boring
Stone elf: Stone elves refuse to participate in a punchline. They just do.
Dark Elf: don't need em. Just smile.
Gypsie: Please, dont use em. You look better in the dark.
Elf: Alchemy? "With eldritch force...."
 
A man with a frog growing out of his head walks into a bar. The bartender look at him and says "What's up with the weird growth?" The frog sez "I don't know, started out as a lump and no I can't get rid of him."

Two dwarves, a hobling, a biata with a hangover, four kobolds, and Sir Johnathan all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

How do you make a hanky dance?
Put a little boogie in it.

Why didn't the army of skeletons attack Solomon?
They didn't have the guts!

Amalie pulls into port, and sits herself down at the tavern. After many a young adventurer attempt to flirt with her, only to find themselves utterly confused as to whether not she is teasing them or mocking them, one strapping young lad walks up to her and says "If you're such a great privateer, where are your buccaneers?" Amalie smiles slowly, and replies "Why, darlin', underneath my buckin' hat, but you really shouldn't use language!"

Where does the Duchessa keep her armies?
In her sleevies!

"INNKEEP!" shouted the customer, "This coffee tastes like MUD!!!"
"Well," said Evad, "it was ground this morning."

Why does everyone think that Mistress Deira is cross-eyed?
She can't control her pupils!

Want to hear a dirty Joke? Polare fell in Mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Harry took a bath with Bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the farmer's daughter.

Balryn and Kerjal were looking up at stars. Balryn asked "What does this mean to you, Kerjal?" Kerjal says "I see the stars have aligned to portent of a great danger coming, but if the people of this great land can stick together, then we can prevail against this, and any other darkness that might trespass its way into our lives. Why, what does the sky tell you, Balryn?" Balryn said: "It tells me someone stole our tent."

Why is do Mind Powers work faster for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

Daylynn walked into a tavern. Ok, he did not walk in, he was already there. Daylynn says, "I slept with my wife before we were married, did you?". Polare replies, "I don't know; what was her maiden name?".

A grasshopper scavenger walks into a bar, and the bartender says "hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replies "You have a drink named Joe?"

A woman and a duck walk into a bar.
Evad says, "Where'd you get the pig."
The woman says, "That's not a pig, that's a duck."
He says, "I was talking to the duck."

How many kobolds does it take to.... OOLOOKITTHESHINY!!!
 
How many joke posts does it take for Sir Gregor to run out of jokes?
























The world may never know.

:rolleyes:
 
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