Lighten up, damn you
- Thread starter jpariury
- Start date
Telokh_Amdo
Baron
Marcena said:PCs I haven't seen...
High Ogre
Sarr
or a
Female Dwarf or hobling or biata
I need to get out more...
We just had our first female dwarf for a long time at the last HQ event. Always at least one female biata. Female hoblings come and go, but I be there'll be at least one in NJ this weekend. Ogres only show sparingly. I can't recall seeing one in HQ in the past year. I cant recall an event where we didn't have at least one Sarr at either HQ or NJ.
Be sure to come to the National event. You'll most likely see more of any race than you've ever seen.
A hobling was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want
you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure
for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the hobling returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that’s amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The hobling nodded. "I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"from hunger you mean?"
"No from skipping."
you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure
for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the hobling returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that’s amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The hobling nodded. "I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"from hunger you mean?"
"No from skipping."
Mike Ventrella
Duke
I knew a guy who used to pickpocket dwarves.
I don't know how he could stoop so low.
I don't know how he could stoop so low.
A high orc captain was marching his entire army to attack Karak Eight Peaks, they were passing an old abandoned city when they heard a voice within the ancient city's walls: "One Dwarf is better than ten high orc soldiers!" The captain was enraged and immediatly sent ten of his best troops over the walls while the remainder of the company waited outside. Then came the sound of a terriffic fight going on, soon all was quiet. Then the voice spoke again: "One Dwarfen soldier is better than a hundred high orc soldiers!" Well, the captain sent hundred of his best men over the walls. Soon came the sounds of fight and then silence. The voice spoke up again: "One Dwarfen soldier is better than a thousand high orc soldiers!" The captain was furious. He immediately sent the remainder of his troops over the walls save only himself. There came the sound of a fierce battle, and then silence followed by the sound of a dwarf laughing. Finally, one lone high orc stumbled back from the battle and collapsed at the captains feet. "Speak! What happened?" asked the captain. The soldier replied with his last breath. "It....was..a trap..there's...TWO...of...them..."
Three high orcs walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would've seen it.
Three high orcs walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would've seen it.
Stoneskull_Rockfist
Adept
Marcena said:
well... one high orc soldier is better than a million gypsy soldiers
Haha! Read my edit.
A dwarf walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long mace?"
A dwarf an elf and a hobling go to loo in a bar after they have done the elf washes his hands an says "i was brought up the wash my hands after i have been to the toilet" the hobling also says "i too was taught cleanliness" and the dwarf replys "i was taught not to piss on my hands...."
An Elf walks into a pub and clears his voice to the crowd of dwarven drinkers. He says, "I hear you dwarves are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give 500 gold to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of extra stout back-to-back."
The room is quiet, and no one takes up the elf's offer. One dwarf even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same dwarf who left shows back up and taps the elf on the back. "Is your bet still good?" asks the dwarf.
The elf says yes and asks the pub keep to line up 10 pints of extra stout. Immediately the dwarf tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the elf sits in amazement. The elf gives the dwarf the 500 gold and says, "If you don't mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The dwarf replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
Silvara Ironside is home making dinner, as usual, when Simeron arrives at her door. "Silvara, may Aye come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' tae tell yer."
"Of course ya can come in, you're always welcome, Simeron. But
where's me husband?"
"That's what Aye'm here tae be tellin' yer, Silvara. There was
an accident doon at da Dwarf Ale brewery..."
"Oh, goodness no!" cries Silvara. "Please don' tell me..."
"I must, Silvara. Yer husband Gort is dead and goon. Aye'm
sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Simeron. "How did it happen, Simeron?"
"It was terrible, Silvara. He fell into a vat uv "Bugman's 5X Extra Stout" Brew and drowned."
"Oh blessed Brell! But yer must tell me true, Simeron. Did he
at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Silvara... no."
"No?"
"Fact is, he got oot three times to pee."
The alliance of the Valdanian army is camped near Horn's End. One day, one his allies, an elven general is having a walk outside of camp and runs into a local child. The child is building somekind of humanoid figurine out of horse manure left behind by the warhorses. The elf walks up to the child, looks at him curiously, and asks.
"Tell me little one, what are you doing?"
"I'm building a dwarf."
The elf thinks that is hilarious and runs back to camp, to where the general's dwarven allies were camped. He finds the dwarf general and tells him about the child, almost bursting into laughter numerous times during recounting the tale. The dwarf is deeply offended and heads off to find the child. A few minutes later he finds the child, who is almost done playing. He asks.
"My child, what are you doing?"
"I'm building a dwarf."
"A dwarf? Out of horse manure? Why?"
"'cause there ain't nowhere near enough manure to make an elf."
A dwarf walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long mace?"
A dwarf an elf and a hobling go to loo in a bar after they have done the elf washes his hands an says "i was brought up the wash my hands after i have been to the toilet" the hobling also says "i too was taught cleanliness" and the dwarf replys "i was taught not to piss on my hands...."
An Elf walks into a pub and clears his voice to the crowd of dwarven drinkers. He says, "I hear you dwarves are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give 500 gold to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of extra stout back-to-back."
The room is quiet, and no one takes up the elf's offer. One dwarf even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same dwarf who left shows back up and taps the elf on the back. "Is your bet still good?" asks the dwarf.
The elf says yes and asks the pub keep to line up 10 pints of extra stout. Immediately the dwarf tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the elf sits in amazement. The elf gives the dwarf the 500 gold and says, "If you don't mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The dwarf replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
Silvara Ironside is home making dinner, as usual, when Simeron arrives at her door. "Silvara, may Aye come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' tae tell yer."
"Of course ya can come in, you're always welcome, Simeron. But
where's me husband?"
"That's what Aye'm here tae be tellin' yer, Silvara. There was
an accident doon at da Dwarf Ale brewery..."
"Oh, goodness no!" cries Silvara. "Please don' tell me..."
"I must, Silvara. Yer husband Gort is dead and goon. Aye'm
sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Simeron. "How did it happen, Simeron?"
"It was terrible, Silvara. He fell into a vat uv "Bugman's 5X Extra Stout" Brew and drowned."
"Oh blessed Brell! But yer must tell me true, Simeron. Did he
at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Silvara... no."
"No?"
"Fact is, he got oot three times to pee."
The alliance of the Valdanian army is camped near Horn's End. One day, one his allies, an elven general is having a walk outside of camp and runs into a local child. The child is building somekind of humanoid figurine out of horse manure left behind by the warhorses. The elf walks up to the child, looks at him curiously, and asks.
"Tell me little one, what are you doing?"
"I'm building a dwarf."
The elf thinks that is hilarious and runs back to camp, to where the general's dwarven allies were camped. He finds the dwarf general and tells him about the child, almost bursting into laughter numerous times during recounting the tale. The dwarf is deeply offended and heads off to find the child. A few minutes later he finds the child, who is almost done playing. He asks.
"My child, what are you doing?"
"I'm building a dwarf."
"A dwarf? Out of horse manure? Why?"
"'cause there ain't nowhere near enough manure to make an elf."
A human, a hobling, an elf and a dwarf all climb to the top of a tall mountain.
The human looks over the side and yells "this is for my people" and leaps over the side of the mountain.
The hobling gets to the top and looks over the side and yells "this is for my people" and leaps off the side of the mountain.
The dwarf heads over and looks over the side of the mountain and yells "this is for my people" and pushes the elf off.
How many gypsies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, and you lose a lot of lightbulbs.
"I went to see a Gypsy fortune teller the other day, who put me in touch with me dead grandfather. After we had finished and I had paid her, she smiled at me and in a jolly voice said she had really enjoy the session- So I smacked her in the face!"
My smartarse mate chipped in, "Ha ha- Thats becase you LIKE TO STRIKE A HAPPY MEDIUM isn't it!"
I replied, "No, its because I can't STAND gypsies."
How do you kill a hobling?
Drop a copper off a cliff!
Why are gypsies no fun on Halloween?
They're all trick and no treat.
The human looks over the side and yells "this is for my people" and leaps over the side of the mountain.
The hobling gets to the top and looks over the side and yells "this is for my people" and leaps off the side of the mountain.
The dwarf heads over and looks over the side of the mountain and yells "this is for my people" and pushes the elf off.
How many gypsies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, and you lose a lot of lightbulbs.
"I went to see a Gypsy fortune teller the other day, who put me in touch with me dead grandfather. After we had finished and I had paid her, she smiled at me and in a jolly voice said she had really enjoy the session- So I smacked her in the face!"
My smartarse mate chipped in, "Ha ha- Thats becase you LIKE TO STRIKE A HAPPY MEDIUM isn't it!"
I replied, "No, its because I can't STAND gypsies."
How do you kill a hobling?
Drop a copper off a cliff!
Why are gypsies no fun on Halloween?
They're all trick and no treat.
