John Finnegan - The Best of Us All - Rest in Peace

John loved the Red Sox and he loved the Celtics but his favorite was the Patriots. I'm just really glad he got to see the Sox win finally. Baseball was alway fun around here with him being a Red Sox fan, me being a Mets fan and my Dad being a Yankees fan.

It's hard to believe how much time has gone by since it happened. My parents and I have been packing things up, trying to get the house ready to sell. It's been unbearably hard. We had planned on selling the house sometime next year but are now forced to do it sooner. Even though we planned it, it still feels as though I'm abandoning him somehow. Packing his things..I have no choice but it's still too soon to be doing this. I still have letters to answer from Johns family but it's been so hard whenever I try to sit down to write to them. I still have calls to return but it's just so difficult.

I've begun to see a doctor which I suppose is a good thing. I don't really feel like it though. It doesn't feel right talking about John to someone who hasn't a clue who John is. I'm talking to someone who isn't affected by this at all. Of course I do most of the talking which makes me feel like a rambling idiot. I'm going to stick it out for a bit but right now it feels useless.

My job let me go in May because I just couldn't return to customer service when they needed me to. They called it "voluntary resignation". I understand I guess because they do need an employee but how can anyone be expected to return to the cable company so soon after something like this? Everyday there are customers screaming because their televisions aren't working properly. I'm probably would've wound up hitting someone.

I needed to vent a bit...feels a little better.

Colleen, I don't think less of John because he is a Red Sox fan, i would of just rubbed it in more if I knew ;)

Talking and venting are always a good thing. There are plenty of people around that will listen to you including me, please don't feel as if you are rambling.

Love always,
-David B-
Azura said:
Of course I do most of the talking

And this surprises... who?

(considering himself very lucky he's in Iraq and out of range of Colleen's fists of fury)
Gilwing said:
Colleen, I don't think less of John because he is a Red Sox fan, i would of just rubbed it in more if I knew ;)

Talking and venting are always a good thing. There are plenty of people around that will listen to you including me, please don't feel as if you are rambling.

Love always,
-David B-

I got plenty of digs in for 1986. Whenever we'd go shopping and he'd have his red sox hat on and I had my Mets hat on, someone would always say "now there's a match made in hell" or "how do you stay married during baseball season?". That always made us laugh.

Thanks Dave :)
poolboy said:
Azura said:
Of course I do most of the talking

And this surprises... who?

(considering himself very lucky he's in Iraq and out of range of Colleen's fists of fury)

You're lucky I love you, you goober!

YOU can rant all you want and can talk to me anytime you need.

Just got back home from the NJ event. Event #2 ... without John, or so I thought.

It was rough behind the scenes. We were down "Lupi" and Justin H... Battleboarding was... rather on the fly. No npc dastabase so stating was a struggle... (thank you Bill Gibbs), and OMG I swore we didnt have enough plot to run....

And in all the chaos and confusion, I felt the loss of John more than ever. He would have known what to say to be encouraging (thank you Spare for being there for us). He would have found ways to make some random thing into an instant epic plot (or silly one) (Thank you Christina for coming up with some amazing encounters on the fly.) He would have made it work.

But somehow it did work... and in the end several people had I won nero moments. We got many compliments, people seemed to have a good time, always a relief for an owner to hear! Had some amazing help from pcs and npcs, and lots of help from my new adjuncts, and my Renee helping with monster desk.

But it wasnt until I was cleaning monster desk, and I found a rulebook (prolly patricks or colleens... if you want it back I have it). And it had Johns name signed on the inside. And all I could do was hold that book and cry. And it may sound silly, but I felt like John HAD been there. And Had helped us, and he just wanted to remind me, by seeing his name, in a rulebook.

Thank you Justin Coggin for just letting me cry, hugging this silly rulebook, just because Johns name was in it. I miss him so much, and it still hurts so much. But every time we run an event, and I see Colleen smiling, and I see Patrick in npc camp Being his Patrick self, coming up with all this amazing roleplay... Having Spare come and help us with Morale because he knows how broken our hearts are.... I know that John is still with us.

I had two John moments recently...

I updated the article on the web page about the NERO lawsuit, and when I finished I said to myself "I'm going to email Scott and John and ask them about what steps we should take next..." It only lasted a second but it hit me hard when I realized I couldn't seek his advice any more...

Then, last night, I decided to upload some more of my favorite songs to the "You Tube" song thread. I chose Barenaked Ladies' "Be My Yoko Ono", a very funny song, and as I watched it for the first time, I kept thinking of John... the lead singer had the glasses, girth, and goatee, and then when I noticed he was wearing red shorts it really hit home.

Damn. Now I'm getting all choked up typing about it.
I have those moments as well. My computer is acting up pretty badly and the first time I just thought "Can't wait for John to get home to fix this damn machine". It's just still so unreal.
This past weekend in NJ was a shining example of how that chapter is a Phoenix (and not the kind that will blow you up at 0 body)! No matter how stressful it became, or how sullen we may have felt at one point or another, we bounced back and kicked ***!

I think the Alliance as a whole is really doing John proud right now. We have some bright new players joining us in our pursuit of fun, and I know John loved new blood and cultivating great players. We have vets coming back after years and rediscovering the game John helped create.

Every time I went out to play, no matter the part, John was with me. His spirit empowers us all. This has been a wonderful season, let's keep it going! No matter how rough, we will get through, because John Finnegan wants us to succeed!

Please if you are able, chapter hop in your region, the Alliance is a cornucopia of incredible folks and plot-lines.

Thanks to all who belong to this wonderful community!


You are welcome, I love you! I had a blast playing with you, I always do. My shoulder is always available. :)

Your friend,

Justin Coggin

Writing and running plot and not being able to share with you, first the concept, and then it's outcome, sucks.

No matter how much fun I have or will have at future events, it'll never be the same without you there.

NERO or Alliance or whatever we call it, without John Finnegan is like Lord of the Rings without Gandalf, it's like Star Wars without Obi-Wan or Yoda; something essenstial is missing.

But we're keeping it going and I know that makes you happy.
Von Raven said:
But we're keeping it going and I know that makes you happy.

I assume that this last comment wasn't meant for us, was it?

I am planning on bringing my A-Game with me to the National event and I hope others will follow suit. Try just a little harder to stay in game, go buy a pair of sweats instead of wearing jeans, get someone to make a quick & dirty T-Tunic for you and wrap your coke cans in some fabric - or better yet pour it into a tankard. This is what John was last working on and I'd like to pay homage by making it the best it can be.
markusdark said:
I assume that this last comment wasn't meant for us, was it?

:?: Considering that the post began with "JOHN,....", it's obvious that the last part--and all of it--was meant for John.

"We're keeping it going" means the NJ STaff are keeping the chapter going, keeping it alive, which is what John would have wanted.

And I don't know who you are, but I find your remarks toward me inappropriate; I don't need you to tell me to stay in game or how to don proper costuming; I've been excelling at both for over a decade now.
I apologize, I had not seen the 'John' at the begining.

And the comment about bringing my A-game was not directed at you but towards everyone. Many, myself included, tend to get a bit lax about games and I was just suggesting that we try a little harder this time around. The comment was for everyone attending and although I have never doubted your performances (as I had seen an incredible job the times I was at Ashbury), I just meant that there was no harm in trying to take it even further.

Oh, and you do know me, Patrick. Mark Mensch - aka Nigel Peaks - the gypsy who backstabbed everyone at the final encounter at "The Arch". I am sorry that you took my comments as you did, it was not my intent to sound smug nor condescending. Often one's intents are hard to read without the inflections of the spoken word.
Hi, Mark

I remember Nigel well! Great Gypsy!
Miscommunication is all part of the internet experience. :D

Sorry about that.

You have an excellent attitude towards the game! May it spread like wildfire throughout the gaming community! :)
I have just re-read everything that's been posted. I cried and laughed so much. Everyone sharing such great memories that I have to as well. Some of these might be a you had to be there kind of story but I'm writing it anyway. :)

I joined the game in 96 and was pretty nervous. I had barely known John but had a strange dream about him. Later on at the Brooklyn site, I told Jen August about the dream and she said I should tell John about it. I thought it was a funny dream so I did. John asked me out that night. Here I am, this girl from Brooklyn who has heard all the "great" pick up lines and John sweeps me off my feet by saying "I'm very interested in getting involved in a relationship with you." I always used to tease him about it and he would say. "I should've said (in a very bad Brooklyn accent attempt) "Hey baby lets go knock boots." LOL what was so much fun about John is how much you could tease him. He had this wonderful vocabulary and I didn't. When I first visited him up in MA, he said, "I have allocated (this much) funds for us for the weekend." I looked at him and said..."so you got cash?" He would get all red and yell at me whenever I did that.

My favorite "John has a short temper" moments:

One of the funniest things to watch every year was John putting the lights on the Christmas tree. He just has the shortest temper and would fight with the tree and curse and I just sit and hold in my laughter.

One night, John, Mike Fenton and I were going to Will Mullally's house for dinner. We got lost of course and John stops in this store to ask for directions. The whole time Mike and I are laughing but trying to hold it in. I look in the window and the cashier seems to be someone who would've had a heavy accent (He did). A very annoyed John comes back in the car and says "the guy barely spoke english and we have to look for Speen Street." So we drive away from the curb and pass this street and I see the name that we are about to drive past and say "John are you sure he didn't mean Spring Street?" We passed the street and John starts cursing. Mike and I tried so hard to hold in our laughter but we just couldn't. Of course that pissed John off more.

Driving to Nero with Steve Babin and John: Steve has to go to the bathroom so John gets off at an exit. He gets so pissed off because we're now "stuck in traffic" and he curses. Steve says "John it's just a red light” and I crack up with laughter.

He always got so mad at such silly things that you just had to laugh. You couldn't help it. Later he would laugh along too.

Much of our first year together was me visiting him in MA and traveling by the horrific bus line, Peter Pan. I always cried when I was leaving and John would stand outside the bus dancing and making a fool out of himself just to get me to laugh.

Everyday is still a heartache yet I feel that in some ways he's there to make me laugh. I was cleaning out our shoe closest the other day and throwing some things away. One of the soles of his shoe fell out and it has an imprint of John's toes on it. I cried and laughed and kept it. I have this thing about feet...I skeeve them all and think they are all ugly. It just felt like he was playing a prank on me when it fell out of his shoe. He always teased me about feet.

My mother and I were sitting on the front porch talking, and she was saying how she had been washing dishes by hand because she was too lazy to unload the dishwasher. I said how I hated washing dishes. The next day Andrea emailed me and said: I had a dream about John last night. I walked into a kitchen...unknown location…but he was doing dishes. I walked over to him and asked “John when did you get here?” He said… “I have always been here.” So I asked him how he was and he said “I am fine…but I don’t want Colleen to be sad anymore” I told him we were doing everything we could. He looked happy.”

My first real dream about John: I walked into the bedroom and there was John without a goatee. He was half asleep with a little smile on his face and he said "I missed you. I didn't want to stay." Unfortunately I woke up at that point but I woke up feeling good, not sad. I don't know why but it was comforting.

Most of me says it’s all wishful thinking but a small part of me says there could be something there. I’m not running out to any psychics but it’s comforting to know there’s a possibility.

I hope all this made sense or that you could picture some of the stories.

Love you all and thanks for everything,
Those stories were great Colleen, I'm sitting here at work laughing my but off epically at the traffic light and the directions. I know how hard it can be for some men to ask for directions.

I'm not into the psychic thing, but I do believe that your dreams say a lot. Listen to them. Obviously John is around you, protecting you and still making you laugh. Some thing we all need every day.

Stay stong Colleen, I'm looking foward to seeing you next weekend (if you are still going to the event).
The echo still reverberates inside when I keep wanting to talk to John about this or that and then I have to pause... because he is gone.

And I feel so hollow inside. And I know what Renee means when she says this sucks, and Nero isnt as fun anymore.

But then I saw Colleen this weekend as Azura. Glori misses her Azura so much. It was a good moment. And it reminded me of how much richer our lives are because of the people we have in them that we love.

We love you Colleen
I never know what to say for something like this, so I apologize if it doesn't make much sense.

Colleen, Thank you for coming to the Tournament. I was so glad to see you. I spent the last couple of weeks dreading doing the spirit farewell and when I heard you were going to be there I spent a lot of time thinking about how hard it would be for you. I'm glad you showed up. Seeing you there, made my entire event.

Mike Stabley
Azura said:
Most of me says it’s all wishful thinking but a small part of me says there could be something there.Love you all and thanks for everything,

Colleen, believe that small part. I do.

I wrote you something private, to explain why I say that. It's someone else's "story" so it's not my place to share on their behalf, but I am truly grateful for what a visit from John has done for me.

I love what your mother said John said in her dream.
Azura said:
“John when did you get here?” He said… “I have always been here.”
I really think that's also true.