I have so much I want to say that I have no idea where to start.
I began playing Nero coming up on 18 years ago now, back in Mass. I remember meeting John in those first years of the game, but I did not play in the same circles as he at that point. It wasn’t until the time Ashbury came into being that I really got to know John. I think that was around 1992.
For many years from that point, Ashbury became a focal point in my life. John, as an extension on that, became one also. John was an amazing person to be around. Many people reading the posts on this thread may not have known John personally, or maybe did not have personal or close dealings with him, but please allow me to say this…he was the single most amazing, creative, imaginative individual I have ever known or could hope to know. His writings and creations rival those of the most famous sci-fi/fantasy authors in history. And to say that, in John’s case, would be an understatement.
My character, a biata with the propensity for being quite emotional and at times far too serious, was very much influenced by my dealings with Baron, then Duke Bryan (John). I remember many times our characters being at odds, but Bryan (John) always had a way of soothing things over. That played out in John’s real life as well.
I remember, prior to the split, that Duke Bryan was gone. I remember going home after that event in particular, and actually taking much time to think about my character’s reaction to it so I could figure out how it should play out in my character’s personality. John’s light and bright soul played such a role in his being, and from such into his character, that it left my character’s personality that much darker without Bryan. Those people who knew my character from that point probably remember my character becoming less forgiving, more irritable, and a downright lousy person. Regretfully, it was around that time the split happened. I went with the part of the game that was closer to where I lived at that time, so needless to say I was not a part of Alliance. However, I think that those that also attended the games I did from that time saw how dark my character became. I attribute that to the loss of light I found from John and his character.
John was a beacon of light in the darkness at the time of the split. I have very often thought of going to a game where he was to be, just to see some of the old friends I have missed these last many years, John especially amongst them.
While Ashbury was still based out of NYC, I joined plot committee and served there alongside John. I remember some very heated arguments between he and I at times, between he and Mike, between all three of us. I tell you all, the three of us could have heated the city at times with our hot headedness, but most often it was John that found a way to bring things down, and we would all be able to work together. Without John, I think the game would have possibly collapsed, but John was always able to bring it all together.
I sometimes used to joke with John in those days that he had completely missed his calling. I told him I felt that he would have made an amazing politician. I remember him telling me at one point, “nah, I couldn’t lie that good.” Maybe not, but I still feel he was the kind of person that could convince bitterest enemies to lay down arms and embrace. He was just that kind of person.
Can a person miss someone they haven’t seen in nearly 10 years? The answer is undoubtedly, yes. I found out John had passed while I was at work. That’s a funny story in itself. Those that knew me back in the day are likely to laugh their heads off or scream when they read that I have become a police officer in Connecticut. I think I can attribute part of that to John as well, for some of the gifts that he showed me.
While at work, I couldn’t write at all. In my job, I have to work through everything, but when you sit down to write, everything comes into your head. (just like this post that seems to go on forever). I simply could not focus on my reports, I kept thinking of John. Thinking about writing with him, about having wanted to see him and others many times over the last few years, about wanting to hear his voice and be there with him. And now, I will not see him again until I get the same call home.
I actually think that John had a hand, unbeknownst to him, of my becoming an officer. John demonstrated what it was like to be able to create something from chaos. How to make something that was bad into something good. John was always able to make arguing people come to some agreement. John taught me that using a little patience with people really went a very long way in getting them to agree, and to eventually do the right thing. Without those skills, I couldn’t do what I do. It may not have been John that gave me those skills, but seeing him actually use them for me to see, made it so I knew it could be done. He was a natural born leader.
Now, Colleen, if you have made it this far….
I almost cried when I read your post from Thursday morning. I cannot imagine what you are going through at this point. The only thing I can say is to allow yourself to cry. It really does help. Remember John for the man he has always been, and always will be in your heart. When the time comes, celebrate his life. I remember times when John was sad, but I have far more memories of his smiles, and his laugh. I remember how that laugh could fill a room filled with a hundred people! Take the time, close your eyes, and think about that laugh. I am now, and it even now, after not seeing him for so long, fills my heart. Know that you have friends that will come from everywhere to help you through this. Even those you may have forgotten about.
May you rest in peace John. Know that the world is that much dimmer from your passing. You will be forever missed.
Brian Burke
