The story...

...had it all planned out already, the almighty squirrels of doom looked upon the carnage with gaity as they plotted the finer details of their next ploy which was to......
 
The spirit of ensign something or other rose up with an ominous cackle. "MUAHAHAHHAAH! You have fallen right into my evil scheme! You see? I was meant to die from the beginning, but only as a distraction! Look behind you, you silly fluffernutters!"

The squirrel chieftan chittered his amusement, and turned to see...
 
That weird old guy from the six flags commercials! Mesmirized by the creepiness of the old dude dancing to what sounded like polka in front of what appeared to be a bus full of kids, the squirrels and ensign and company all, in silent unanimousity decided to......
 
defenestrate themselves. However,
 
the weird old dude had a heart attack and died, leaving an entire bus of childrend unattended and falling off of a cliff! The ensign and company and one and all, after watching it teeter for a little while, decided to......
 
Push it over. At the last second...
 
All the kids raced to the front and were able to all get off safely! Now a hundred teenagers were pretty pissed off at the crew so they....
 
all jumped off the cliff instead! Suddenly...
 
A horde of lemmings appeared, looking a little miffed that someone already suicided off their chosen cliff, so they...
 
...in their wave of lemmy-panic, began throwing themselves off the nearest park bench! Amused at this spectacle, our ensign alone decided to....
 
chase the lemmings around like pigeons! Amusingly...
 
Clawed out his own eyes. Conincidentaly, this lead to...
 
The world being completely engulfed in darkness as the sun was eclipsed by the world's fattest/tallest man! Utter chaos ensued as.......
 
He then suddenly sat down, bathing everyone in light, as well as...
 
use their cell phones to order cantonese food delivery...as they flipped open their new chocolate razor they realized....
 
that a massive ball of flame was hurtling toward them! Already on the phone to the Chinese delivery, they...
 
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